This is my most favorite quote about parenting. And yesterday I the fact that I'm not a perfect mother hit me full force. The morning was easy enough, but instead of being able to purchase a new set of contact lens, I was informed that I needed an eye exam. The first available was right after I picked up Sawyer from school...so I figured it'd be no big deal. I'd just take my sweet little 5 year old with me.
On the way to the eye doctor I told her that I would take her to one of the fast food playgrounds for lunch and some playtime, if she was well behaved at the appointment. I don't normally take her to those places, so she was so excited. I explained that I just needed her to sit and be quite while I got my exam.
I got right in, my appointment only took about 20 minutes...but we headed straight home when we were done.
Sawyer wasn't horrible, she just talked the whole time, and kept getting out of her seat. She went back and sat down after every time I told her, or gave her a dirty look when the doctor wasn't looking...but it was the fact that I had to KEEP reminding her that was disappointing.
Unfortunately after we were done but while we were waiting for them to trace my frames, Sawyer asked about lunch. I asked her if she thought she'd been good and followed directions. She said no. Then she asked about lunch again. I told her no. She started crying. And she kept crying until we right before we got home, when she fell asleep in the car.
I don't think it was hard taking her home.
I don't think I was wrong in not taking her out to lunch.
I do think it was hard to realize, through all the crying, that normally I would have told her she wasn't great, but good enough to still go to lunch.
She was devastated when I told her no.
I never back out. I always give in, even if she wasn't behaving like I'd ask. I am lazy sometimes with my daughter and that has taught her what?
Sawyer knows right from wrong, but there are no consequences if she's wrong....she gets the same either way.
The hard parts of parenting occur when you realize you aren't perfect, and now you have to figure out how to change your own behavior, in the hopes that you can lead your child by example. If I change, can she?
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At least she holds nothing against me. Here my darling daughter is,, this morning wanting to help with cleaning day. And after cleaning toilets, she asked if she could vacuum.
2 comments:
When you think about being a parent, sometimes you forget that sometimes it will be hard. Sometimes it will be hard to tell your child no, sometimes they will throw fits, and sometimes you will give in no matter what, just because you love them. Sawyer is an excellent, very well balanced, enjoyable child. You and Scott are doing such a great job with her. After all, what other kids do you know that don't need prizes or money to do chores?? :)
I know it's been awhile since you've posted this entry, but I was re-reading it today and I get a glimpse into what Larissa will be like in three years. That makes me happy. Sawyer is a wonderful child, and you are a wonderful parent. Larissa may not be as old as Sawyer is and I don't have nearly the experience you have as a mother, but I have had my "Am I doing the right thing?" moments with her already. I hope that she is half the child Sawyer is, I hope that I can learn from my mistakes as a mother and take the advice and learning curves of other mothers. I have always loved this quote and have actually passed it on to a friend who was struggling. It's so hard to remember that we don't have to be perfect, none of us are! We just have a to make a difference. You inspire me, Rachel. Thank you.
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